Tuesday was the worst day so far. She mad an epic meltdown. Screaming, yelling, crying. She hates me. I love the dogs more than I love her. She was throwing things. Kicking. Punching. Hitting. Sigh. It was so ugly. I was at a total loss. I wanted to call her therapist, but I was so stuck in the moment. I did get a small video clip for her therapist so she could see the levels of the anger. I was scared for my child. I didn't know if she was going to hurt herself or someone else. I had a phone in my hand to call - who I didn't know.
Now ask why.
Why did this happen?
I asked her to put dishes away.
Why did it really happen though?
She ate Sunday and she ate well. She's upset and needs to punish herself. I get it, I get the disease. I can't fix this, only she can work on fixing it.
It IS a disease. It's like any disease, she can't just fix it overnight. She can't just stop. She can't just fix it. Like a drug addict, she needs this. This is her addiction, this is her disease. I don't see the healing beginning.
My husband said, "She just wanted to get out of doing something." Sigh. No, I don't feel like that was it. There are times I feel like he doesn't comprehend the levels this impacts her. Us. He has no experience, so why would he?
Family counsling won't happen until she is a bit more secure. Trust me, that IS the best right now. This is the best route. We don't need her trust breached. We need her in control. Or at least thinking she is.
Wow, I guess I had a lot of feelings today.
2 comments:
When you feel the shittiest just know and BELIEVE you are doing everything you can and out of love. You get it. You do. It makes it harder maybe BECAUSE you can see so much of what's going on. Hang in there. You can do this because you're already doing it.
When you think you're breaking just know someone's around to help you heal...
Love to all of you,
Jun
I did smile at his response. Only because I find that guys in general are simple creatures and he just wants to believe his little girl is having a temper tantrum. As easy as when she was two. You get it. And for that, one day, she'll thank you verbally. Before that, it'll be a thank you in little ways.
You continue to inspire me.
ST
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